When something has reached down where your soul dwells...beyond the numerous thoughts and worries that occupy your mind and even deeper than the desires of your heart. It's when your inner self is so full that tears and emotions have nowhere to go. They have to come out from hiding.
You been there?
Last night Brent and I went on a date for our 19th wedding anniversary. Dinner and a movie. At dinner we talked about what the next 19 years might look like. It's good to look at where we've been and what we get to look forward to and see God's faithfulness in all of it. Then we picked...okay, I picked, a romantic movie to see.
I fell in love with the characters of the film. Their acting was incredible. They drew me in...I was captured by their individual stories. What surprised me most was when the movie ended, I couldn't hold back the tears. I was moved & inspired in ways I couldn't quite form into words. Usually I can pull myself together after a tear-jerking movie, but this time I couldn't get out of the movie theatre fast enough. I was doing everything I could to hide my emotions as we exited the theatre. I couldn't wait to get to the car to ease the pressure in my chest from all the emotion welling up.
What was wrong with me?
When I got into the car, I began laughing and crying at the same time. Laughing at myself for being so emotional and feeling relieved to cry it out. Brent finally asks, "What was it that really got to you?"
I didn't know. It was sad and beautiful at the same time, but by my response it wasn't about the movie, it was more about me. Something in the movie connected with me.
You would think my sadness would be about the young vibrant man who now lived the struggles of a quadriplegic. No...that wasn't it. It was the girl. The girl with the biggest smile and the largest courage to be herself. She reminded me of, well.....me years and years ago.
Years ago when I wore a completely black and white checkered outfit head to toe - earrings, shirt, pants, and white boots. (I have a picture to prove it!) In 9th grade I cut my hair like the girl in the movie Some Kind of Wonderful. People thought I was a boy, but I still loved it. I even wore a Zoro-style hat and a fringe suede leather jacket for one of my senior pictures. My wardrobe stood out from the others because my style was a little bit out there. (I'd like to say a little bit ahead of everyone else). I had some weird outfits, but I loved being different. I still have knee high striped socks I pull out once in awhile, but they are nothing compared to the character's bumble bee striped tights she loved so dearly.
Her character inspired something in me. I saw a bit of my old self in her that has died or perhaps just simply gone dormant. I think that's what hit me so deep.
It wasn't sadness for the quadriplegic,
but for the paralysis in my own life.
The inability to move emotionally and mentally to a place of freedom in myself.
The young man says to the girl "Clark",
"It's your duty to live your life as fully as possible."
Reminds me of Jesus words in John 10:10,
"I have come that you may have life, and have it to the full."
That's why He came. I'm letting that sink in today. It's the reason He left heaven, endured pain, and died for you and me. So we can live life as fully as possible. It's our duty because it was handed to us like a baton from Someone who loves us and paid a very high price for it.
When I watch the story of this young man's physical mobility having been stripped from him, you feel so badly for him. If he were your son, you would do anything to help him walk again. He is trapped in a shell, unable to move, to embrace others, to feel, to touch those around him, and experience life the same way.
Perhaps we are not so different. We can use our physical bodies, but we are walking around paralyzed emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Trapped by circumstance, financial demands, and broken relationships. Smothered by the weight of insecurity, perfectionism, and fear. Unable to move. Unable to embrace others. Unable to take risks. Unable to live fully.
That's even more sad.
This young man would do anything to walk again, and he tried every therapy with the hope that one day he would be whole again. But here we are paralyzed with every capability and potential to move. To live life as fully as possible. Our enemy knows our weaknesses, and he will do all that he can to thwart the reason Jesus came to earth. To rob us. To steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10) everything Jesus gave his life for. Jesus did everything needed to make us whole and live out our potential.
The great Physician now says, "Walk. You are healed."
Will you get out of that emotional wheelchair? Will you let go of those mental crutches that keep you from trying something new? Will you fight to get out from under those spiritual strongholds that prevent you from being your unique self? Will you walk in the fullness and health Jesus has already provided for you?
It is our duty....for when we do, we inspire others to do the same!
Pull out those bumble bee striped tights or the checkered outfit
or whatever it is that inspires you to live your life as fully as possible!
You know it!
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