The time has come...the time we as moms thought was so far off to imagine. It is here.
How could it be? Eighteen years is such a long period of time and the sound of its duration fools us. It really goes by fast. It seems like just days ago we brought her home from the hospital as young wide-eyed parents not knowing what to do or how to take care of this little precious being.
Now I'm a much older wide-eyed parent wondering what to do, what to say as I say good-bye, and how to take care of her from a distance. She will be officially on her own.
And yet this is why we parent. This is what I told parents in Love & Logic classes - our goal is to SEND our children off on their own to be independent contributors to society. A constant letting go as they grow into themselves and into their relationship with God so that when they turn 18 they can fly...
It is here.
Did I already say that?
I repeat myself because I'm still in denial and hope it will eventually sink in instead of hit me like a brick wall when I say good-bye. It definitely is a stretch for any parent. A new season wrapped up with emotions of excitement, worry, hope, confusion, and wonder.
I've watched moms of college students travel this road ahead of me. They all have their own stories of taking their son or daughter to college, and now I will have mine. Many of my close friends are sending their firstborn just like me - friends in Idaho, Texas, and Georgia. We feel for each other. We get it now. We are in the midst of it as each day passes, but it comforts me to know I'm not alone.
We've been texting each other..."When does she/he leave?"
But I find the use of the word "leave" leaves me feeling empty and sad. A simple word can trigger different emotions, even change the way we look and feel about circumstances. You see our family has left many times. We know what that feels like. And when we've left, we were given a "send off" by people who prayerfully and financially supported us to Argentina, Peru, Georgia, and even back to Idaho. The words "send off" have a very different meaning to me than "leaving". A send off in my mind is a celebration of what God is leading people to do and joyfully anticipating what God will do through their going. So instead of viewing my daughter's trek to college as leaving us, I am choosing to celebrate this time as her "send off".
The other day I found a prayer written by my favorite blogger, Emily Freeman. I had printed it and saved it awhile ago for such a time as this. Emily wrote it to college moms - to me and to all my friends sending off their sons and daughters. I'm praying this for myself and for all my dear friends who are journeying this moment in time with me. I'm so thankful for you and your friendship and the friendships you and your sons and daughters have had with my girl. Life's transitions continue to keep us connected, and thank you, Emily, for your written prayer for us...
Prayer for College Moms by Emily Freeman
The next few days may be marked with lasts, but soon her grown-up child begins a new set of firsts. She helps him pack his bags with clothes and his boxes with books. But you see what the mamas carry in their hearts - anticipation, longing, love, regret, anxiety, nostalgia, and resolve.
They are a mix of excited, terrified, and closed-eye hope.
As she watches her child look for a fresh start, remind her to make her home in you.
As she sends her freshman off into the world, make her feet steady to stay behind - sure, confident, and at peace.
As she prays for her daughter to find good friends, may you bring prayerful friends to her own side, to remind her she is not alone.
If insecurity, fear, or disappointment knock on her empty-nest door, may she turn to you with her questions rather than get busy doing.
If she receives calls from her faraway girl, though there may be tears and heartbreak on the other line, may she not set out to fix, rather may she sink deeper into you. Weave your wisdom into the fibers of her soul, bearing the fruit of confidence, clarity, contentment, and a light-heart.
May she have the patience to believe even when the reports sound grim.
May she not be quick to judge, rather may she be patient and curious.
May she remember what her daughter needs more than answers is to know she's not alone.
May she remember what her son needs more than advice is to know he's got what it takes.
May she not despise her weakness, rather may she see how weakness brings a daily reminder to trust.
May she feel the freedom to feel what she feels without the pressure to be more happy, more sad, or more anything other than simply who she is in this moment.
If she is struggling to let go, in your time replace her fear with courage and her confusion with peace.
And if the not-enoughs haunt her in the night, the fear that she didn't love, teach, do, or instruct enough while the kids were under her roof, comfort her with the assurance that you are the Artist who weaves together good from all things.
Help her release her children into Your hands.
For the parents of college freshmen all over the world, may Your grace surprise them kindly in this time of newness, waiting, and love.
Amen.
