Meeting David Copperfield

It's 8:00pm and we are on the fifth hour of our ten hour trip from Las Vegas to home in good old Boise, Idaho.  This route is long and straight and may I say rather boring. There is not much to look at besides the occasional cattle ranch, which leads me to wonder what their lives are like out here all alone.  I imagine it's like the movie "Man from Snowy River" without the mountains or snowy river. 

We are coming home after spending a few days at our daughter's lacrosse tournament. While Vegas is not one of our favorite cities to visit, Brent and I thought we might as well hit our first Vegas show. Brent let me pick. David Copperfield. 

I can remember the days as a young girl, watching a very tall, dark, mysterious man with a great big smile do extraordinary magic. What would he be like now?

Music starts. Lights go out. Lights come on and a large medal box on wheels appears. You can see through the box, under the box, and assistants walk through the box. A white cloth falls down each side of the empty crate and when it's whipped away, there sits THE David Copperfield on a huge Harley motorcycle. (I don't know if it was a Harley, but I thought it would give you a good description of the bike's class and style). There he was. One of the greatest magicians, arriving in his usual fashion - appearing out of nowhere!  How he got there I have no idea.

He was much older than the 1970's Copperfield in my childhood memories, but he still had an air of confidence and charisma I remember well. Right off the bat, Copperfield involved the audience bringing individuals up on stage, asking them questions, and making them a part of his magic. 

Throughout the evening items were thrown into the crowd as a strategy to find volunteers. A man was picked and given two foam X's to throw up over his head. One landed near a lady directly behind him. As the man got ready to throw the next "X" I had a split moment thought, "If that comes my way I'm not reaching for it." And I didn't. Cause I didn't have to. It came flying directly towards me and landed on my table in front of me. There was nothing I could do but pick it up and head to the stage. 

As I walked up the stairs, the foam "X" was snatched from my hand and before I could catch my breath David had grabbed my right hand and whisked me on stage to my appointed spot. I was so nervous I thought I was going to faint (I can do that if I think about it too much).  Then my mind became distracted by my shaking knees. I couldn't hear what David was saying to the crowd very well, which made me even more nervous. He quickly led me underneath a group of words hanging by ribbons. I put on a blindfold, and he asked me to walk until the music stopped. When the music ended, I was told to reach up and pull down a word above my head, still blindfolded. 

The word in my hand was TRUTH. 

Then he had the other lady who caught the first "X" to look at her wrist band and on it appeared the word, Truth. THEN he asked the entire audience to look at their wristbands...there was the word, Truth. David raised our arms over our heads, and we three took a bow. The audience may have seen him kiss my hand, but that too was an illusion. In reality, he kissed his own hand! I got to look David Copperfield in the eye, face to face. I was so overcome with gratitude that I kept saying thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. He still has a great smile!

I was giddy the rest of the night. So star-struck from my own guest appearance with him, I was much more engaged in the rest of the show. I got to be involved with the master plan even though I had no idea what I was doing. All I had to do was follow his instructions, and he would do the rest. He would bring the supernatural to the natural and awe us.

Now I'm not going to compare God to a magician because He is definitely and completely much more than that. However, I can often times understand God better in light of my earthly interactions with others. My experiences also bring about an awareness of my own human responses that help me get what God is up to at times. 

Before I was picked to go on stage, I enjoyed the show as an observer. No doubt. But it wasn't until I was a fully engaged participant, that the show had meaning to me.

 Involvement engaged my heart! 

My emotions were triggered, and my spirit was free. Perhaps that's why God decides to use us in His master plan even though we could mess things up. 

We try to take control of situations. Can you imagine what it would have been like if I had said to David, "Mr. Copperfield, I think we should do it this way." That would be ridiculous! Or even if I said, "No, wait. I'd like to go change my clothes first before I come on stage. I'm not quite ready yet." (The thought did come to mind as all the ladies were dressed up for their Vegas night and I stood on stage with my jeans, tevas, and Eagle High School sweatshirt - Go Mustangs!).

Absurd. I wouldn't do that to my friend David, but sadly I do it to The Master planner. My knees are shaking. I don't know what to expect, but instead of excitement and trust in Him I give way to fear and start taking control myself or hide from involvement, not reaching out for the opportunity to be more than an observer. 

"For I hold you by your right hand-- I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, "Don't be afraid. I am here to help you."  Isaiah 41:13 (NLT)

How would we live life differently if we viewed life as a magical stage: shocked yet honored to be hand picked out of the crowd to play the part we've been given. It doesn't matter that we are nervous and our knees are shaking. It doesn't matter if we are dressed appropriately for the occasion or feel a bit ill-prepared. 

God's got ahold of your right hand. Trust He will place you in the right position in His perfect timing. Listen to His instructions each step of the way even though you might not understand what is going on or what He is doing. Keep going until He says stop, and you realize you have found Truth in the palm of your hand. He has guided you to Truth. Truth that brings you peace, healing, wisdom, comfort, and love. It opens up our hearts to see the truth in why God involves us in His plan. And there's nothing much else to say other than...thank you, thank you, and thank you again. It's an honor to live life with God.

We all play a beautiful part on the stage of life, together with the Master Director, who loves to awe us with His extraordinary plans through ordinary people, willing to get out of their seats and be active participants, fully engaged. That's something to be giddy about!

Proof that I was there and picked the word Truth!

A David Copperfield smile for you.

Bigger Things At Stake

It's been awhile.  Too long.  I feel like I've forgotten how to write.  How to put words in order that would reflect the past two months.  I've taken on a new job.  I've had some setbacks which revealed things in me I would rather keep undercover and pretend I'm better than that.  The challenges were internal.  I had no one to blame or point the finger at.  All I could do was ask myself, "Why is this so difficult for me?" 

I couldn't even put it into words, but I was encouraged when I heard these lyrics on the radio:

"When the pressure is on, 

God is making diamonds." 

I thought, "The pressure's on!"  I felt the heat.  I accepted the fact that it was going to hurt, and it wasn't going to be easy, but I also held on to the promise that on the other side comes a valuable shiny jewel.

Before taking a job this fall, I put God in charge of picking it out.  I simply asked God to put me in the right position.....now I have to trust that He did. 

Oswald Chambers has been a close companion in these couple months. His writings in "My Utmost for His Highest" have mentored me.

September 12 (Oswald): "God is taking you through a way you temporarily don't understand, but by going through confusion you will come to the understanding of what God wants for you... He has bigger issues at stake than the particular things you are asking of Him right now."

I'm asking for answers. I'm asking for direction.  I'm asking for clarity, peace, understanding, and all the things that make me feel more confident and secure in the work place.

Yet He has bigger issues at stake.  And honestly, my prayers were purely selfish.  I wanted out of the fog and confusion now rather than later.  I wanted to know what the day would look like, how things would turn out, and some direction to where I was going.  But He had bigger issues at stake than what I was asking of Him.

Times of confusion can spin us in all directions, yet strangely bring alive our senses.  While standing alone in the storm with everything a blur around us, we see things in ourselves we'd never seen before. 

(photo taken by Audra Deakins)

We see our mindset. Our attitudes. Our beliefs. It is in our confusion, our hurt, our crises, our true character and beliefs come out.  Will I trust God in EVERY situation? Do I really "surrender all"? If I believe in unconditional love, then I must love that difficult person especially when it's hard.  It is these times when our faith truly shows itself.  When it's hard.  When we don't see the bigger issues at stake.

September 19: "It is God who engineers our circumstances and whatever they may be, we must face them while continually abiding with Him...Jesus' honor is at stake in our bodily lives."

Everyday God takes a big risk on me. Times of confusion can spin us out of control, and maybe that's a good thing because it reminds us of Who is.  It puts our faith into action.  Opens our eyes to things unseen. Let's not misinterpret the season, but trust that the bigger issues at stake are more important than our want for understanding, clarity, and comfort.  

September 20: "and when we come in contact with things that create confusion and a flurry of activity, we find to our own amazement that we have the power to stay wonderfully poised even in the center of it all."

Stand In Awe

Sunday morning:

Ecclesiastes 5:1-2,7 " Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than offer sacrifice. Don't be quick with your mouth...let your words be few. Many words are meaningless. Therefore, stand in awe of God."

The sounds of a hot air balloon wakes me from sleep and motivates me to get out of bed to get a glimpse of it passing by.  The Liberty Bell floating in the sky with the words "We The People" on it proclaims to all below our country's freedoms.

Hot air balloons venture out when it's quiet and the air is calm. That's why I can hear the balloon so well this Sunday morning - it is quiet all around. No scurrying below. Not many cars traveling to places. Just birds singing their morning hymns. It is easy to stop and stare in awe as this massive balloon suspends in the air overhead, defying gravity.

It draws my spirit upward, wanting to hear from a Good God. I'm drawn to Ecclesiastes. Maybe because I want to remind myself what is meaningful and what is not in this time of year when summer ends and our new lives begin for the school & work season.  I start a new job on Monday, and it is easy to be anxious about it, but I know that is meaningless.

But it's not Monday, it's Sunday...and Solomon in all his wisdom says to guard my steps when I go to the house of God. To go near to listen and having few words. And stand in awe of God. That's what I seek this morning - God's Awe!  I don't want to walk into church the way I often do, scanning the foyer like a politician and it being about "who you know", but guarding my steps so that I'm not distracted from the real purpose of being in church. I will respond to the greeters. I will visit with people on my way in, but I want my spirit to be quiet and calm as I enter the sanctuary doors and prepare to stand in awe of the one overhead, speaking into the still, quiet places of my soul.

What a privilege we have to worship together this morning; a freedom others in this world don't have. The Liberty Bell reminded me of that this morning. And Solomon reminded me of the distractions that are meaningless even on Sunday mornings in church. Distractions that rob me of the purpose and the real meaning of why we go to the house of God.

I'm convicted that I've been going to church for myself. With ME on my mind. 

I remember the first time a collection of hot air balloons flew over our house. We had just moved into the neighborhood, and it was another Sunday morning. I began hollering at the girls to run outside to see the sight. We "ooed" and "awed" in the backyard, pointing at them, admiring each of their features and designs.  And then we noticed something...our neighbors were in their back yards too....all of us in our bathrobes! We were so undone by the awe of the moment, nothing kept us from catching a glimpse, not even our lack of wardrobe.

I'm not saying go to church in your bathrobe, but my prayer is that we may become undone in such a way that we can't imagine missing sight of the One Lifted High and stand in awe!

                                        

    

God Helps

We just came up the bluff.

In our younger years we walked up the trail every break. But as the years have gone by, our bodies and the trail have changed with some wear and tear. We drive trucks up now.

I married into this bluff-dwelling family 19 years ago, and every summer it is a privilege to fish on this four generational family business we call "Azarel".  The name decided by Wendell & Joyce Honea many years ago when they took a huge risk and brought their three daughters up to Alaska to start a commercial fishing business.  It wasn't easy living, but the name they picked reveals their faith and their heart and their dreams. Azarel means "God helps."

He does. He has.

Wendell and Joyce knew that from the start. They knew they couldn't have done this all by themselves. Having this business carry on in the family for over 50 years was only a futuristic hope of Wendell's and today his dream exists. His great grandchildren are fishing on his beaches. God helps.

Fishing can provide income for our families, yet fishing can also be a gamble. We know that. God continues to help.

We are not a perfect family by no means. We have differing opinions. We have conflict. Feelings have been hurt. We've worked through organizational challenges. We have misunderstandings. Losses. We are a normal family, but...God helps.

I could tell you countless "God helps" here at Azarel for my family and me personally. Most of the help evidence comes in small, simple, ordinary moments while spending time together. By ordinary I mean small life happenings, but they are not normal or usual day-to-day happenings in my busy stress-filled other life the other months of the year.

I think that's why ordinary is extraordinary in Alaska.

It's not every day I get to watch my 10 year old learn how to drive a John Deere tractor.

                                 

Sisters realizing they aren't so bad and maybe even kinda important to each other. 

              

It's having deep heart conversations with my cousin (by marriage), who seems more like a sister. Laughing to tears with sister-in-laws over a funny story during crew meal. Painted rocks become gifts that go a long way at making someone feel special. Younger ones away from electronics, playing in the dirt and using their imaginations. Discussions I would have never had with my teenager back at home with all the hustle and bustle. Time that nurtures my marriage, working along side my husband, and then having quiet slow moments with him, sitting on the bench overlooking the bluff. We stare. We listen. We rest. We're grateful for how God has helped. 

Then we begin to dream like Wendell and Joyce.

It's on the Azarel bluff, I find myself, my marriage, my family, and my life again. Can't put a price tag on that. It's not just about fishing. Fishing is what brought us all up here on the bluff, but what keeps us coming back is so much more.

I think this is why God created families.  The mentoring that takes place when all ages work together side by side. The bond created through shared laughter and family stories. Character that is built through hard work and effort.  Away from the rush, the busy, and plugged in...so that there is room for "God help" moments for our family still today.

Azarel is the glue that has helped us and held us together since 1961.

.

Bumble Bee Tights

Have you ever been inspired?

When something has reached down where your soul dwells...beyond the numerous thoughts and worries that occupy your mind and even deeper than the desires of your heart.  It's when your inner self is so full that tears and emotions have nowhere to go.  They have to come out from hiding.

You been there?

Last night Brent and I went on a date for our 19th wedding anniversary.  Dinner and a movie.  At dinner we talked about what the next 19 years might look like.  It's good to look at where we've been and what we get to look forward to and see God's faithfulness in all of it.  Then we picked...okay, I picked, a romantic movie to see.

I fell in love with the characters of the film.  Their acting was incredible.  They drew me in...I was captured by their individual stories.  What surprised me most was when the movie ended, I couldn't hold back the tears.  I was moved & inspired in ways I couldn't quite form into words.  Usually I can pull myself together after a tear-jerking movie, but this time I couldn't get out of the movie theatre fast enough.  I was doing everything I could to hide my emotions as we exited the theatre.  I couldn't wait to get to the car to ease the pressure in my chest from all the emotion welling up.

What was wrong with me?

When I got into the car,  I began laughing and crying at the same time.  Laughing at myself for being so emotional and feeling relieved to cry it out.  Brent finally asks, "What was it that really got to you?"

I didn't know.  It was sad and beautiful at the same time, but by my response it wasn't about the movie, it was more about me.  Something in the movie connected with me.

You would think my sadness would be about the young vibrant man who now lived the struggles of a quadriplegic.  No...that wasn't it.  It was the girl.  The girl with the biggest smile and the largest courage to be herself.  She reminded me of, well.....me years and years ago.

Years ago when I wore a completely black and white checkered outfit head to toe - earrings, shirt, pants, and white boots. (I have a picture to prove it!)  In 9th grade I cut my hair like the girl in the movie Some Kind of Wonderful.  People thought I was a boy, but I still loved it.  I even wore a Zoro-style hat and a fringe suede leather jacket for one of my senior pictures. My wardrobe stood out from the others because my style was a little bit out there. (I'd like to say a little bit ahead of everyone else).  I had some weird outfits, but I loved being different.  I still have knee high striped socks I pull out once in awhile, but they are nothing compared to the character's bumble bee striped tights she loved so dearly.

Her character inspired something in me.  I saw a bit of my old self in her that has died or perhaps just simply gone dormant.  I think that's what hit me so deep.

It wasn't sadness for the quadriplegic, 

but for the paralysis in my own life.  

The inability to move emotionally and mentally to a place of freedom in myself.

The young man says to the girl "Clark",

"It's your duty to live your life as fully as possible."

Reminds me of Jesus words in John 10:10,

"I have come that you may have life, and have it to the full."

That's why He came.  I'm letting that sink in today.  It's the reason He left heaven, endured pain, and died for you and me.  So we can live life as fully as possible.  It's our duty because it was handed to us like a baton from Someone who loves us and paid a very high price for it.

When I watch the story of this young man's physical mobility having been stripped from him, you feel so badly for him.  If he were your son, you would do anything to help him walk again.  He is trapped in a shell, unable to move, to embrace others, to feel, to touch those around him, and experience life the same way.

Perhaps we are not so different.  We can use our physical bodies, but we are walking around paralyzed emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  Trapped by circumstance, financial demands, and broken relationships.  Smothered by the weight of insecurity, perfectionism, and fear.  Unable to move.  Unable to embrace others. Unable to take risks. Unable to live fully.

That's even more sad.

This young man would do anything to walk again, and he tried every therapy with the hope that one day he would be whole again.  But here we are paralyzed with every capability and potential to move.  To live life as fully as possible. Our enemy knows our weaknesses, and he will do all that he can to thwart the reason Jesus came to earth.  To rob us. To steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10) everything Jesus gave his life for.  Jesus did everything needed to make us whole and live out our potential.

The great Physician now says, "Walk.  You are healed."

Will you get out of that emotional wheelchair? Will you let go of those mental crutches that keep you from trying something new? Will you fight to get out from under those spiritual strongholds that prevent you from being your unique self?  Will you walk in the fullness and health Jesus has already provided for you?

It is our duty....for when we do, we inspire others to do the same!

Pull out those bumble bee striped tights or the checkered outfit 

or whatever it is that inspires you to live your life as fully as possible!

You know it!

Looking Up

As our family exits a busy season of life, I'm so grateful for the new slower paced and spacious one we are entering into.  At times it felt like I was on the road more than in my new house.  It felt more like a hotel than a home.  (insert Alvin and the Chipmunk's version of "On The Road Again" except they sing it "Can't wait to get OFF the road again!"

Memorial Day comes at the perfect time as we come out of this busy time full of spring sports, birthdays, graduations, weddings, and end of the school year celebrations to simply pause to remember.  

Remember those before us and to remember those following behind us.  To treasure the joys of the busy season and mark them as "INJOY" moments in my journal.  

Our tradition of visiting gravesites on Memorial Day does something to me. My worries which seem so heavy at times are quickly put in perspective when seeing the evidence of how quickly lives come and go.   

On the way to the gravesite with our girls, we suggested they ask their grandpa questions about his parents who came from Germany.  This spurred on a great conversation and a history lesson of the Enzminger family.  

Richness.  

It personalized these decorated stones, making their lives a part of ours. Because of them and the decisions they made, we exist today.  We have life!  I had to ponder that a bit. 

After we visited those we knew by name, we challenged ourselves to find the oldest gravesite in the cemetery. While the kids were jumping from one gravesite to another, reading dates etched in the stone, I was distracted by a lady.  I'd like to say we met eyes, but she wouldn't look at me.

I couldn't get a clear good picture of the her (the statue that rested above an old grave), but doesn't her posture give you the urge to look up to see what she is pointing at?   I'm sure I was a sight to see.  Good thing there wasn't a video camera around, because I found myself looking up, looking back at her, and looking up again as if she was telling me to look at something.  Isn't that what we do when people point?  We look. 

She couldn't speak to me, but I got the message. 

Busy seasons make me very near sighted, only seeing the frustrations and stress right in front of me.  But take it from a woman who has lived her life and rests in a cemetery in Star, Idaho, sharing a message with those who care to pass by and notice.  

Look beyond the moment, beyond the disappointments, beyond the scary unknowns, beyond the betrayals, beyond the stress of busyness, and LOOK UP.  See beyond those things that weigh us down and go from being near-sighted to far-sighted.  Looking to the One who sees us and knows us personally.  

Don't look down at death below, but look up to the One who has given us life abundant.  This here is only temporary, while above is true eternal life.  

She points to the answer, giving us observers a hint...a clue.  Her body posture pointed me to Jesus, and I have to ask myself, "What does my life point to?"  Am I pointing to myself?  Like my girls would say when they were young, "Look at me! Look at me!"  When people look at me do they look up, knowing there is Someone much greater than me? Do I wake up in the morning thinking, "How can I point to Jesus today and point Him out to others?"  Or do I wake up near-sighted again with all the daily stress surrounding me.

This Memorial Day, may we all LOOK UP as we remember those who have walked this road long before us and may we learn from their lives, not taking our own for granted.  And as we look up, may we point to the Answer for those who are following our footsteps and looking up at us!

I'm thankful for this pause today, that begins a more restful season. 

Our Stories and The Real Enemy

I've been really missing this...WRITING, that is.  I still haven't found a way to carve out consistent time to let my thoughts fall into place and my fingers do the talkin'.  While I have expectations of myself to write more often, I'm going to throw out any shame in that, and just write.

Should I write about visiting my grandma Lucille's gravesite with my girls? Those visits always put life in perspective. Or maybe I should write that I now live in a cul-de-sac just like Emily Freeman, my favorite blogger, and now need to run to Home Depot to purchase a bench?  Or the beautiful Idaho sceneries that stunningly display God's workmanship? The trip to the zoo with my ten year old? She is the one who made the zoo come alive!

Or on a more serious note, the Armor of God study that is checking my spirit that I need to be more prepared for battle everyday, but there is a sobering truth that I'm often fighting the wrong enemy?  

Let's not forget the many moments of INJOY.  I can't forget about those. 

I had an opportunity a couple weeks ago to share a little bit of my story, but as I looked at the women's faces in the room, God reminded me they all had a story to tell too.  I wasn't anyone special.  I was just one of a handful given the opportunity to share some of the tough terrain of the journey we are all on.  Sadly, we often travel the path side by side without ever knowing the pain and struggle we each are going through. 

Too much.  There is just too much going on.  Just writing that sentence makes my heart sad and my eyes well up.  Why?  What's so real in that statement that triggers my heart?

Let's be honest here. There are neighbors to visit, lacrosse games to attend, practices to get to, friends to have over, dinners to make, Bible studies to get to, great ideas that never come to fruition, days to celebrate, emails to answer, a job to be done, lunches to make, grocery lists growing, unfinished projects, yard work, homework to help with, and to top it off we look at others and ask ourselves: "How do other women seem to have a good handle on all these things?  What's wrong with me?"

Now let's stop here.  It's obvious the downward spiral of those thoughts.  We know the dangers of them.  Yet we still feel it, and the enemy wins in several arenas.

His strategy is to discourage us from living in Christ's freedom and power - he has strapped me down with the busyness of good things and then puts a dagger through my identity, leaving me feeling inadequate, insecure, and not good enough.  Then he points out how good others are looking, how well they are succeeding, and tempts us to believe we are alone.  Satan loves to divide. The enemy wants me to forget my weapons each morning by distracting me with so many other things to do, that I forget to put on my spiritual armor. I'm then naked, vulnerable, and an easy target.  Curses, that Satan! 

What would it be like if we weren't racing down the path of life from one intersection to the next, but just simply walking the road and looking over at who is on the dusty path with us without assumptions nor judgements but just a curiosity of knowing their story? And what if we all willingly told our stories, not just the good ones we put on Facebook or Instagram?  The stories that make us look human and real, mistakes and all.  The ones that reveal a need for a Savior.  Stories that build our character and display His Goodness, not ours.

Would we see we are on the same side, and often times fooled into believing we are each other's enemy?  Would it bring us to the point of such irritation and anger, that we would finally decide to rally together in unity to fight the real enemy out to destroy us, our marriages, our families, our churches, and our ministry in this world?  It gets me fired up when I can finally see what God sees and knows and has been telling us all along.  

The enemy is not my husband, a co-worker, that friend, my neighbor, the boss, my children, the gal at basketball, my pastor, other believers, but Satan would love for me to think so and put all my energy and firepower in the wrong direction.

No more.  We can't keep being easy victims to Satan's strategies.  We need to stand together, intentional about how we live our lives and fight the good fight.

Dear God,
  May we be reminded of the God we serve, the power you give us to overcome the enemy, the wisdom to know the right enemy, see his deceptive strategies in our lives, our weaknesses and blind spots, and claim whose side we are on.  Show us how to be real in our stories, give us opportunities to present our worst selves to others, and bind us together through our pains and struggles.  We are not alone.  We are not victims. We serve the King who has already won the war, and He has given us an outfit to wear each day to protect us.  I pray we will put on truth, righteousness, peace, salvation, faith, and fight with His Spirit, praying at all times.  We need not fear.  The enemy is overcome by the blood of Christ and by the word of our testimony (our stories).