Saturday, January 12, 2019

State of the Soul Address

It's been awhile...a long absence for me. I almost forgot how to even login to my blog.  The view of the bluff was a long distance away this past year, and I have been feeling disconnected with myself- my thoughts, my emotions, my dreams - as well as the life lessons God is always readily available to teach me.  I kept saying to myself, "I don't have time." It's so easy to say.  We do have time, but the truth of it is, we don't have enough time to do everything. Time we have, yet we are faced with hundreds if not thousands of choices and options of what to do with it each day. 

I'm one of those personalities that scores high on the "responsibility" scale.  For me that means, when I commit to do something, I commit.  I think about it every day. It is constantly on my to-do list, and it is on my mind and agenda until it's complete. I'm always saying, "When I'm done with _________, then I'll write again."  But then I turn the page of my calendar and there is another event or task I'm responsible for.  And again I say, "When I finish that task, I will stop to write and reflect." My high responsibility is a strength, but often times for me it is a heavy burden. 

This past Christmas my sister-in-law, Jana, asked us to bring one of our favorite things for our family gift exchange.  I loved the idea until I tried to come up with a few of my favorite things (then I'd start singing the song over and over assuming that would trigger an idea). I couldn't think of anything.  I walked around Gordmans for an hour looking for something I might claim as a "favorite".  Am I completely boring? Do I not enjoy things in life? Why is this so hard?  I did settle on my Aquaphor chapstick, but my high responsibility was yelling out, "LAME!" 

My favorite blogger, Emily Freeman, asked her listeners on her podcast,

"What is the state of your soul today?" 

I opened up my new 2019 journal my daughter Austyn gave me for Christmas and wrote, "Uneasy." 

This past year of 2018 was full of so many great things - family time in an RV across the southwest, college visits, parents' 50th anniversary, mission trip to Panama, new Alaska adventures - but even with all these amazing life events, I've missed out.  I did not carve out much time to reflect and capture the meanings, the joys, and the life lessons. The very thing that nurtures my soul. I was highly responsible with my time, no doubt. Check that off my to-do list and add another task.  But while I was preparing and completing responsibilities, I was also neglecting to ponder these things in my heart like Mary, Jesus' mother, did. I lost sight of what I favor and enjoy and therefore, didn't make time for it. Ultimately, the uneasiness I feel comes from not making room for the important things that soothe my soul.

Perhaps the questions recently posed to me may alleviate some uneasiness or reveal new insights for you:

What is the state of my soul today? 
(thank you, Emily Freeman!)

What are a few of my favorite things? 
(thank you, Jana!)

How much time do I spend taking care of my soul?

Urgent things are seldom important and 
important things are seldom urgent.
(spoken by President Eisenhower)

One of my favorite things to do is to write.

It is how God speaks to me, clears my mind, and cares for my soul. So today I'm renewing a need and a joy in my life - the responsibility of writing. I am responsible to myself to make time to ponder important things.

And this weekend at my husband's birthday dinner, I'm going to order my "favorite" dessert at the Fork - WARM BUTTER CAKE!

Here's to Capturing Life's Lessons again...