1. Know God Better - I know this sounds "churchy" or religious to some, but for me after 44 years of believing in God and learning about Him through the Bible, church, life, and mentors, I want to peel away the images I made God out to be. I want to know who He truly is in a more personal way and not who I make Him out to be.
2. Allow God to "purify" me of 3 P's - Perfectionism, Performance, & Proving.
3. Listen to more music & allow my soul to sing, worship, & dance in freedom (also a part of knowing God more personally).
4. Allow space to write for no reason other than to know God better and capture His lessons.
So I thought my focus would be on GOD, but so much like Jesus' new testament teachings many, many years ago, His lessons are still upside down, contrary to what I would expect.
Several months ago when I checked out at WinCo Foods, a young energetic clerk asked me, "If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?" It totally caught me off guard. This was a big question, and I admired him for asking me and all the customers before me. At the moment, I wish I had more time to put something more noteworthy together, but I said something about the need for people to always act in love first. To which he responded, "Oh, like love your neighbor as yourself and to love your enemies." I smiled as he quoted the common phrases from the Bible. He then proceeded to ask the same question to the costumer behind me.
Just one question...this young man took this short space of time with each costumer to remind us all what we wish the world was like. But perhaps what he didn't know - or perhaps he did - that question led naturally to a following question in my mind, "If that is what you want to change in the world, then why don't you do that very thing?"
So easy to see what others in this world need to do to make this world a better place, but so easy to miss the fact that I fall guilty to the same patterns of judgment, pride, selfishness, offense, and self-righteousness. Habits and mindsets which all lack love.
I'm one of those people who are "maximizers", always see room for improvement, doing things better, and that includes myself. You know the things that make you look better and feel like you are better - give more, serve more, even pray more - all good things.
But as I wrote all the goals above, all pointing to the main goal of knowing God better, He gave me a word. Like He does every year. You know, like peace, joy, courage, hope, honor. But this year it is different. My word is CONFESS. I don't know if that word makes you cringe, but it does me.
The perfectionist in me definitely cringes to think that I have to admit wrong, to be shockingly honest with my faults and failures, and ultimately be exposed. I wrote the word slowly in my journal, hoping another word would miraculously come to mind and my hand would write a more appealing and non-transparent word. But there it was - C-O-N-F-E-S-S, and God gave me the scripture to confirm it.
"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. But if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
1 John 1:8-9
There it was, and that is the reason it is March and I'm just now allowing space to write for no reason other than to know God better and capture His lessons. Since January, I've been confessing all over my journal, and these lessons are hard to share with others.
At the end of 2023, my family and I were walking through the amazing Sagrada Família in Barcelona, Spain, and amongst all the majestic views & architecture, a simple sign grabbed my attention. It was a quote from Mother Teresa:
"Confession Strengthens The Soul."
You bet I took a picture of it....because I'm looking for any benefits of confession I can find! A selfish motivation to explore this word. I will be strengthened. That sounds better than owning up or coming clean. But here again comes the upside down lessons Jesus is known for. Little did I know that this word "confess" would be the very pathway to knowing God better, the greatest benefit of all.
Since then - it's been three months - I've been seeing God through a whole different lens, a whole different focus! I'm hoping to explain this more thoroughly, but for now knowing God hasn't been by reading more scripture or praying harder or serving more. It has been through the process of looking honestly at myself and through the lens of confession that I'm finding the heart and grace of a loving Father I've never truly grasped. It is through the process of humbling transparency, I'm peeling away the images I have... not of God, but of myself, and as a result knowing the God I've been serving for 44 years in a deeper way.
God has taken me off guard with this word CONFESS just like the young clerk at WinCo did with a simple question. They both took my focus off of looking outward, but instead inward at the things I would rather keep hidden. And the great upside down mystery in this is how my transparency is bringing light to who God is.
Barcelona, Spain
