It's been awhile. Too long. I feel like I've forgotten how to write. How to put words in order that would reflect the past two months. I've taken on a new job. I've had some setbacks which revealed things in me I would rather keep undercover and pretend I'm better than that. The challenges were internal. I had no one to blame or point the finger at. All I could do was ask myself, "Why is this so difficult for me?"
I couldn't even put it into words, but I was encouraged when I heard these lyrics on the radio:
"When the pressure is on,
God is making diamonds."
I thought, "The pressure's on!" I felt the heat. I accepted the fact that it was going to hurt, and it wasn't going to be easy, but I also held on to the promise that on the other side comes a valuable shiny jewel.
Before taking a job this fall, I put God in charge of picking it out. I simply asked God to put me in the right position.....now I have to trust that He did.
Oswald Chambers has been a close companion in these couple months. His writings in "My Utmost for His Highest" have mentored me.
September 12 (Oswald): "God is taking you through a way you temporarily don't understand, but by going through confusion you will come to the understanding of what God wants for you... He has bigger issues at stake than the particular things you are asking of Him right now."
I'm asking for answers. I'm asking for direction. I'm asking for clarity, peace, understanding, and all the things that make me feel more confident and secure in the work place.
Yet He has bigger issues at stake. And honestly, my prayers were purely selfish. I wanted out of the fog and confusion now rather than later. I wanted to know what the day would look like, how things would turn out, and some direction to where I was going. But He had bigger issues at stake than what I was asking of Him.
Times of confusion can spin us in all directions, yet strangely bring alive our senses. While standing alone in the storm with everything a blur around us, we see things in ourselves we'd never seen before.
(photo taken by Audra Deakins)
We see our mindset. Our attitudes. Our beliefs. It is in our confusion, our hurt, our crises, our true character and beliefs come out. Will I trust God in EVERY situation? Do I really "surrender all"? If I believe in unconditional love, then I must love that difficult person especially when it's hard. It is these times when our faith truly shows itself. When it's hard. When we don't see the bigger issues at stake.
September 19: "It is God who engineers our circumstances and whatever they may be, we must face them while continually abiding with Him...Jesus' honor is at stake in our bodily lives."
Everyday God takes a big risk on me. Times of confusion can spin us out of control, and maybe that's a good thing because it reminds us of Who is. It puts our faith into action. Opens our eyes to things unseen. Let's not misinterpret the season, but trust that the bigger issues at stake are more important than our want for understanding, clarity, and comfort.
September 20: "and when we come in contact with things that create confusion and a flurry of activity, we find to our own amazement that we have the power to stay wonderfully poised even in the center of it all."
