View From The Bluff: Ponder & Injoy

Writing helps me figure things out and see what lessons God has for me in the midst of many thoughts swimming around in my mind. Writing gives me time to ponder.

I enjoy writing when words come together nicely, but on the other side it is frustrating when they don't. That is today.

So I decided to jump in my "Finny" (our Infinity vehicle) and drive to the park, listening to an 80's song on the radio. It took me back as 80's music does and reminded me of the WORD God has given me since moving back to Idaho at the start of the year.

I sat at a very familiar park. I brought my girls here when they were small. Life here is familiar yet new. It is home for me and Brent. We don't need a GPS. We know places and road names, but there has also been much development during the five years we've been gone.

The bluff (aka. my bluff) has been under construction, and there is no evidence now that a family had ever lived there with a young girl who enjoyed exploring trails, pastures, and gopher holes. It has changed, and I have to admit...we have changed too.

I lived in a trailer house on that bluff until sixth grade, a double-wide trailer, that is! About a year ago my dad asked me "Nichole, did you ever feel like we were poor?" I could honestly say without hesitation "No, I never felt poor, Dad." Back then in the 70's I thought my house was like any other house, but better. I didn't have a two-story house like my friends, but I did have eleven and a half acres to roam and explore, kittens and puppies to keep me company, a garden to snack from, and a dirt driveway long enough to open the throttle of my motorcycle before coming to an abrupt halt at a barbwire fence. Who could ask for anything more? I had all I needed, and it seemed easy to enjoy life on the bluff.

I remember the time our family went to the movie theatre to see the second Star Wars movie - The Empire Strikes Back. However, I had been told that Luke Skywalker would get his arm cut off in this movie so I spent the majority of the movie hiding my eyes. In all my attempts to avoid seeing that scene, you can probably guess.... I looked up at the screen just in time to see Darth Vader take off Luke's arm with his lightsaber. I was so mad at myself, not because I actually saw the scene (which ended up looking very fake and not scary at all), but that I had been so focused on that one scene for fear of what I might see, I completely missed the rest of the movie. So disappointed. I felt cheated and wanted to go back and watch it again so that I could fully enjoy it.

Have you ever wanted to redo a scene in your life so you could live it over again with openness instead of being guarded?

Has a young mom with her child ever caught your attention at the park, and found yourself wishing you had more actively played in that season of your life?

Were there ever times when a person's view of you took precedence over allowing your heart to fully engage in the moment?

I'd like a redo on that, please!

What would it have been like if we realized the fear of "what could happen" robs us from enjoying what is actually happening?

Fear cheats us out of enjoying.

My writer's block today came from the fear and pressure of having to write something inspiring instead of from my joy of writing.

Fear stifles joy; it suffocates it.

Have you figured out my word for the year yet?

I've been drawn to the book of Luke during this season of Lent, and reading once again Jesus' life on earth. When the shepherds visited baby Jesus, scriptures tell us Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. I never noticed before, but Mary responded the same way after "anxiously searching" for her lost son and traveling all the way back to Jerusalem to find Jesus three days later visiting with the teachers in the temple courts. I wonder how I would have responded as a mother in that scene? But once they returned to Nazareth, Luke notes that Mary again treasured all these things in her heart. It didn't matter whether she was showing her newborn baby to guests or frantically looking for her son, Mary still stopped to ponder and treasure ALL these things in her heart.

Ponder. Treasure. Enjoy.

Enjoy, it is! The word I'm ready to claim for the year, yet its spelling didn't look quite right to me. I envisioned it more like this...INJOY!

How many times have I not been able to be "injoy" because I'm dwelling on what could happen in the next scene or near future for me? Have I been peeking through my hands, missing the majority of my life story? Or perhaps I've been stuck dwelling on the past and how it has mistreated me that I have a difficult time opening myself to others or to feel? Or maybe I'm simply too busy and too tired to enjoy.

Those are legit reasons just as I had legit reasons to hide my eyes in The Empire Strikes Back, but in the end I still felt cheated. That I had missed something great.

Nehemiah reminded God's people, "The joy of the Lord is our strength."

While fear and worry cripples us, joy strengthens us!

It was time for Finny and I to head back home. God had once again turned my thoughts and words into a life application for me. Radio on, and Cher begins to sing "If I could turn back time..."

I'm sure we all would like to turn back time and re-live parts of our life differently, but God does gives us all a chance to start over and redo. His mercies are new every morning, and each new day is available to ponder and treasure and enjoy. Let's stop cheating ourselves out of what God has to offer today. It's time to live, InJoy!

Moments I've been InJoying: