Well, this is my third and final "send off" (if you've read my other blog posts). Even though I've done this a few other times, it doesn't make this time of letting go any easier. She is the baby of the family. The last of the Deakins to leave the nest and spread her wings. I think that is exactly why this last one feels so unique and a bit hard for me. It's an end of an era for this mama!
This third time is the closing chapter of a period of time in our family's history, yet I'd like to say the third time's a charm. Not because I was unsuccessful or unlucky the first two times, but "charm" in the sense of commemorating this closing era.
When I was a young girl, my mother had a charm bracelet that I admired and often looked at when perusing her large jewelry box. On the bracelet were charms or in other words, small ornaments that had significant meaning to my mom's life. One was a picture of me as a small girl and another of my brother. We represented a significant part of her story. These ornamented bracelets are a simple way to identify and even honor the ordinary moments that perhaps make our stories a bit extra-ordinary.
I wrote about my other two girls when they graduated from high school and were heading to college - "Pondering Like Mary" and learning to let go, and "Why Fit In" and praying they would be brave and stouthearted. This time I would like to create a mental "charm bracelet" if I may, a collection of ornament memories to celebrate my youngest daughter, Ava, as well as commemorate the end of this era for me as a mom and gracefully walk into what people call "empty nesting" (a term I'm not too fond of).
It sounds lonely and obviously empty. I much rather prefer "Clean Nesting", when I can finally keep my house organized and clean. But with all joking aside, this is definitely a big transition for our youngest ones and probably an even harder transition for us as a parent. I get that. I'm right there with you. So instead of dreading the empty house to come, let's celebrate the time we have had with our babies of the family (and all our kiddos) by creating mental keepsakes to ground us through the changes certainly coming.
Let's create...here are a few of mine:
Rock Charm: Yes, a rock. Ava and I had a rock for a special occasion and that was at the bus stop. We kicked it around like a soccer ball, taking shots on each other as if we were goalies. As soon as the bus arrived, Ava would pick up that rock and put it in her backpack until the next day. It was OUR thing. Simple, but special. Ava kept that rock for a very long time!
Eagle Charm: The name Ava in latin means "bird", and if I could select a bird to represent Ava it would be an eagle. The eagle symbolizes courage and great strength. Even as the youngest, she was not afraid to try new things and keep up with her sisters and cousins. She would wrestle any size opponent, take the first plunge into the inlet, hike any mountain including Mt. Borah, drive a tractor when she could hardly reach the clutch, and take on any competitor at any activity. In fact, she was the brave one when the doctor holding a needle in his hand said, "Who wants to go first?" While her older sisters nodded their heads with wide eyes, Ava stepped up and said, "I will!" She held in the pain and told her sisters, "See, guys, it's not that bad." Whatever she did, she never assumed she was too young. Perhaps that's why her favorite Bible verse has been 1 Timothy 4:12:
"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young,
but be an example to all those around you in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity."
Tea Glass Charm: Our "Tea Time" in Georgia were special times after school to sit on the "veranda" (and sometimes just on the driveway) and enjoy some southern sweet tea and talk about our day.
Kite Charm: It was a cold and windy day, and I remember having a hard day emotionally as a young mom. I prayed that God would take away the wind, thinking that would definitely change my mood. My prayer was not answered, but Ava and I decided to go outside and get some fresh air anyway. Walking in our back yard, Ava spotted two kites in the shed and wanted to fly them. I helped get her kite in the air and handed it to her. Then I began working on getting my kite in the air, but I was having a bit of a struggle doing so. I heard Ava giggle behind me and say, "Get yours as high as mine, Mommy!" I looked over at Ava. There she was sitting calmly on a stump with her kite so high in the air that I thought if a strong burst of wind came through it would pick up my four year old and take her for a flight! We both burst into laughter at the humor of my struggle to get my kite even in the air and her effortless success. She kept encouraging me to get my kite as high as hers, but I was never able to reach her amazing height. We had such a great time, and it changed not just my mood but my perspective. Here I had been praying for God to take the wind away -the inconvenience, the uncomfortable - and God used the cold wind to bring about a priceless memory with my daughter. God taught me in that moment that He doesn't always take away those little frustrations, but through them, He can create unforgettable, teachable moments.
Heart Charm: There I was...kneeling at my sofa chair where I usually spent time reading and praying. This time I was praying with a blanket over me on my knees. I heard Ava's footsteps as she entered my bedroom, and I waited for her to say something to get my attention. During this time of motherhood, I was often interrupted, but this time was different. Instead of hearing her voice, Ava quietly knelt down beside me, gently put her arm around me, and said nothing. No words, beautifully showing her love and understanding simply through her presence. God once again brought a valuable lesson to my attention, a quiet reminder, "This is how you comfort and love others."
Hand Charm: The sweetest gift Ava continues to give me is her hand. It means so much to me when she comes along side of me and holds my hand. I expected it when she was a young girl and have braced myself for the time when I would no longer feel her hand in mine. But that time has not come thankfully.
I don't know how else to say this but Ava has been my companion these past 18 1/2 years (here come the tears). I have had so many wonderful opportunities to be more than Mom to her. I had the privilege of being her lacrosse coach for 8 years (starting in 1st grade), her Sunday school teacher in church, her elementary and middle school counselor for a short time, and her career counselor the past two years. All these roles have allowed me to be a part of her life in unique ways outside the role of mom. A special handshake, a bedtime routine of kisses, listening to 80's music together, traveling to lacrosse tournaments...each moment now a meaningful souvenir for me to keep, charms decorating my story, and honoring our time together in the nest. Ava, you completed our family, our nest, and now it's time to spread your wings, my little eagle.
All you soon to be "Empty-Nesters", perhaps gathering your own mental charms will help your nest not feel so empty but rather more full. What pictures or symbols represent your last born's attributes and what meaningful stories have charmed your life? Pay tribute to this special time spent with your youngest as a happy "send off" and then embrace the beginning of a new era to be explored and the riches to be found as time unfolds.
It is hard to see a time pass when your kids aren't coming in and out your door. When their friends aren't coming in and out your door either. When you don't have a sporting or school event for your own kids to go to so you go to your friends' kid's event or niece and nephew's. When you go home after work and ask your spouse, what do you want to do tonight? Should we make dinner? I had to re-read my 2017 post "Embracing Different" and remind myself that these transitions are hard but exactly as they should be. Our three daughters were given to us for a time and purpose -to prepare them for THIS moment while we hold on to the charms they have left with us.
