College Moms Sending Off

The time has come...the time we as moms thought was so far off to imagine.  It is here.

How could it be?  Eighteen years is such a long period of time and the sound of its duration fools us. It really goes by fast. It seems like just days ago we brought her home from the hospital as young wide-eyed parents not knowing what to do or how to take care of this little precious being.  

Now I'm a much older wide-eyed parent wondering what to do, what to say as I say good-bye, and how to take care of her from a distance.  She will be officially on her own.  

And yet this is why we parent. This is what I told parents in Love & Logic classes - our goal is to SEND our children off on their own to be independent contributors to society.  A constant letting go as they grow into themselves and into their relationship with God so that when they turn 18 they can fly...

It is here.  
Did I already say that?  

I repeat myself because I'm still in denial and hope it will eventually sink in instead of hit me like a brick wall when I say good-bye. It definitely is a stretch for any parent.  A new season wrapped up with emotions of excitement, worry, hope, confusion, and wonder.

I've watched moms of college students travel this road ahead of me. They all have their own stories of taking their son or daughter to college, and now I will have mine. Many of my close friends are sending their firstborn just like me - friends in Idaho, Texas, and Georgia. We feel for each other.  We get it now. We are in the midst of it as each day passes, but it comforts me to know I'm not alone. 

We've been texting each other..."When does she/he leave?" 

But I find the use of the word "leave" leaves me feeling empty and sad. A simple word can trigger different emotions, even change the way we look and feel about circumstances. You see our family has left many times. We know what that feels like. And when we've left, we were given a "send off" by people who prayerfully and financially supported us to Argentina, Peru, Georgia, and even back to Idaho.  The words "send off" have a very different meaning to me than "leaving". A send off in my mind is a celebration of what God is leading people to do and joyfully anticipating what God will do through their going.  So instead of viewing my daughter's trek to college as leaving us, I am choosing to celebrate this time as her "send off".

The other day I found a prayer written by my favorite blogger, Emily Freeman. I had printed it and saved it awhile ago for such a time as this. Emily wrote it to college moms - to me and to all my friends sending off their sons and daughters. I'm praying this for myself and for all my dear friends who are journeying this moment in time with me.  I'm so thankful for you and your friendship and the friendships you and your sons and daughters have had with my girl. Life's transitions continue to keep us connected, and thank you, Emily, for your written prayer for us... 

Prayer for College Moms by Emily Freeman

The next few days may be marked with lasts, but soon her grown-up child begins a new set of firsts.  She helps him pack his bags with clothes and his boxes with books. But you see what the mamas carry in their hearts - anticipation, longing, love, regret, anxiety, nostalgia, and resolve.

They are a mix of excited, terrified, and closed-eye hope.

As she watches her child look for a fresh start, remind her to make her home in you.

As she sends her freshman off into the world, make her feet steady to stay behind - sure, confident, and at peace.

As she prays for her daughter to find good friends, may you bring prayerful friends to her own side, to remind her she is not alone.

If insecurity, fear, or disappointment knock on her empty-nest door, may she turn to you with her questions rather than get busy doing.

If she receives calls from her faraway girl, though there may be tears and heartbreak on the other line, may she not set out to fix, rather may she sink deeper into you. Weave your wisdom into the fibers of her soul, bearing the fruit of confidence, clarity, contentment, and a light-heart.

May she have the patience to believe even when the reports sound grim.

May she not be quick to judge, rather may she be patient and curious.

May she remember what her daughter needs more than answers is to know she's not alone.

May she remember what her son needs more than advice is to know he's got what it takes.

May she not despise her weakness, rather may she see how weakness brings a daily reminder to trust.

May she feel the freedom to feel what she feels without the pressure to be more happy, more sad, or more anything other than simply who she is in this moment.

If she is struggling to let go, in your time replace her fear with courage and her confusion with peace.

And if the not-enoughs haunt her in the night, the fear that she didn't love, teach, do, or instruct enough while the kids were under her roof, comfort her with the assurance that you are the Artist who weaves together good from all things.

Help her release her children into Your hands.

For the parents of college freshmen all over the world, may Your grace surprise them kindly in this time of newness, waiting, and love.

Amen.

Pondering like Mary

"Mary treasured up all these things 

and pondered them in her heart." 

(Luke 2:19)

Mary treasured and pondered.

She was still for a moment. Deliberately studied the moment, gathered up the details, and stored the in her heart to keep.  Maybe reflected on what this child's life would mean - for him, for others, and for herself.  Considering carefully the possibilities a baby Messiah would bring - the good and the hard.  But as she sat and listened to strangers share their story of angels and why they left their sheep to come, I can just see Mary in all her gentleness, graciously listening with a slight grin on her face.  Grinning and pondering in the midst of the shepherds' excitement, taking her back to her own angel experience just nine months prior. Another confirmation of the angel's message that her son would be the Son of God. And there she paused to cherish the moment for what it was. 

I can relate. No, I haven't had any visible angel encounters yet, but I find myself pondering more and more these days, wanting to preserve the moments of the first child I gave birth to 18 years ago today.

It was in and of itself miraculous for me. The first time I was able to lay eyes on the little being that had been growing and developing inside of me was beyond words! It was humbling and emotional to partner with God in growing and bringing this tiny person into the world. While my husband was going stir crazy after several hours in the hospital, I wanted to stay in the hospital where I had nothing to do but stare and ponder.  Treasure up all the details of the moment, and ponder what could be or might be in our future.  I wanted time to stand still...

The gospel author, Luke, also records Mary pondering and treasuring up the moments after she and Joseph had just spent three days anxiously searching for Jesus. Oh, how I would have loved to have heard that conversation and seen the look on their faces, when Jesus said, "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" 

When reading this story of Jesus in Luke's second chapter, it feels to me as if this was a pivotal moment for Mary. Here she was in the midst of intense motherly emotions due to a very stressful situation. Her son had been missing for three days! Can you imagine what thoughts she had been pondering during those 72 hours? 

Yet there was Jesus, sitting among the teachers in the temple courts. Somehow Mary was able to settle herself despite all her emotions to once again treasure all these things in her heart for safe keeping. She was able to put aside her feelings, her motherly right to explain her anger, perhaps her need to correct, and relinquish her control and maybe even her own agenda of what she thought was right in that moment. She was able to step back, put her needs and wants aside, and realize her little boy was growing up and making decisions without her. He was 12 years old, near the age of Jewish accountability, and Mary was given a glimpse of Jesus' true purpose, a reminder of who he was created to be. I can imagine the angel's message over a dozen years ago was brought to her mind again. He will be the Son of God. Her role was not to keep him to herself, but to let go.

Yes, LET GO... (This is where all of us moms take a deep breath.) 

Mary knew her son was not just hers, but that Jesus was a gift to nurture and take care of for a time in preparation for his ministry on earth.  Just like our kids. They are children of God too. 

Their main purpose is not to be our kids.  

And our main purpose is not to be their parents.

But our presence in their lives plays a vital role in their life's mission and purpose if we choose to continue to let go as Mary did. I like to believe that pondering helped Mary let go. Treasuring up all these moments in her heart allowed her to release her son into the Father's hands as time required her to do and let God do His thing in her son's life.  

Perhaps that's why I'm pondering a bit more these days...because I have a big "let go" coming up in a few months. When my daughter walks across that stage to receive her diploma, will I have a flashback of my quiet moments in the hospital with her?  When we leave her at college, will I recall the memories treasured up and etched in my mind from long ago?  

The long drive home will be the perfect opportunity for me to ponder....ponder "Audra bunny rabbit" jumping around the living room floor, the Sleeping Beauty dress she always danced in, her little face looking out the bus window on the first day of kindergarten, her first basketball game that brought tears to my eyes, her high pitched voice in the back yard, the "look at me, Mommy" over and over and now the teenager who calls me "Momma", the countries we've traveled...

...Mt. Borah we surprisingly climbed and SUMMITED, the meaningful conversations together, picking stinky fish in Alaska...

...the BTB lacrosse goals, the unexpected hugs, the heartaches I had the privilege of comforting, sharing in the pain of good-byes, and watching her worship uninhibited before the Lord!

These are gifts from God I treasure up and ponder in my heart. I have to let her go so she can live out her purpose, but I can still hold on to the priceless memories she has given to me because they are mine to keep. 

Just like Jesus who had an important purpose...so do our graduates.

Our children have a higher purpose 

than just being our kids, and knowing that 

makes a world of difference 

when I'm having to let go. 

Now it is time for her to live out her faith and find her place and her purpose in the new chapter before her. 

Jesus, may I respond as your mother did with such reflection, wisdom, and strength...

Treasure up!  Ponder on!  And let go!

I love you, Audra. Happy 18th Birthday!

Purpose Among The Mess

I asked a friend how his job was going.  To which he replied, "Well, it would sure be a lot easier if my job didn't include people."  

I chuckled as I do when I don't know what to say after a comment that takes me by surprise. But as his words began to mull around in my mind, I found a lot of truth in what he said. 

Our lives are messy and hard often times due to the people in our lives and the choices we all make while living together in this world.

And then I think of God...

In a perfect world, the Garden of Eden still got messy with just two people on earth. It definitely would have be much easier for God if his creation didn't include humans.

Perhaps your life would be easier too without people...without the boss who keeps running your life with the decisions he/she makes in the workplace.  Without the person who says she is your friend but doesn't act like it. Without the relative who seems to cause tension in the room at every family gathering. Without the neighbor with a chip on his shoulder. Or the grumpy co-worker who enjoys complaining.  The list goes on and on. 

It definitely would be easier, but God didn't design it that way. His blueprint included relationship through every thread of His creation - relating with God, with each other, and with creation - intertwined with one another.

And in those relationships, God gave us choice...called free will. God was intentional about this like all of His creation. There was still "purpose" in the equation for free will, even though it made life messier and harder. However, His purpose wasn't to make life easier...but richer.

Relationships are complicated.  There is no doubt about that, but when I think about God, I think about how we were created to live life together. All part of His intricate plan to bring about His rich purposes and after separation due to sin, transformation in our lives. How else would we experience the fruit of the Spirit (peace, kindness, patience, self-control) outside the realm of relationships? 

Here are a few of my "purpose-full" thoughts on this: 

1. In relationships we find True Love.  It is easy to forget what "true love" is because our world has many distorted definitions of it.  But true love is unconditional. It's not about only loving those who love us back or who are nice to us.  It is loving the unlovable, the annoying, the unkind, and the hurtful. We, ourselves, make mistakes in our relationships, and it is through our messes that we can fully understand the true love and forgiveness of Christ.

2. In relationships we find ourselves:  "As iron sharpen iron, so does one person sharpen another." (Proverbs 27:17) Through relationships, God reveals our strengths and our weaknesses.  Our need for people in our lives as well as the need for us to be in others' lives. Conflicts and disagreements can also bring out our worst selves, revealing our need for God and our need for His transforming grace.

3. Conflict can bring about good:  This one's hard for me. I like to avoid conflict. But now that I'm at the age where I can look back on a slew of relationships, I've had many experiences where conflict birthed intimate and deep relationships with people. 

4. God uses our differences: When we look at the variety and diversity of God creation, it makes complete sense that we would have differences. So why are we surprised? God uses our individual gifts and perspectives to steer men and women into new directions. Just as God used Paul and Barnabas' disagreement to spread the word to different parts of the world, God will use our unique passions and viewpoints to spur us on to our next calling. 

If we want easy, I guess we should find a solitary place to live alone. 
But I figure...

if it was worth it for God to allow 

relational messes if we so choose, 

then it must be worth it for us 

to find His purposes among the mess.  

My gratitude today comes from the relationships my family had the privilege of journeying life with for five years in Georgia.  Without these relationships, we would have missed the riches that far outweigh the messes. Thank you, Georgia family!  You are priceless gifts from God!

Our beautiful Reach One Church family!



And friends who always pull up a seat at the table for you...

And friendships that will last a lifetime,


...built on sharing our messes.
                                                             

Here's to the messes we make and the riches 

God brings out of it!

State of the Soul Address

It's been awhile...a long absence for me. I almost forgot how to even login to my blog.  The view of the bluff was a long distance away this past year, and I have been feeling disconnected with myself- my thoughts, my emotions, my dreams - as well as the life lessons God is always readily available to teach me.  I kept saying to myself, "I don't have time." It's so easy to say.  We do have time, but the truth of it is, we don't have enough time to do everything. Time we have, yet we are faced with hundreds if not thousands of choices and options of what to do with it each day. 

I'm one of those personalities that scores high on the "responsibility" scale.  For me that means, when I commit to do something, I commit.  I think about it every day. It is constantly on my to-do list, and it is on my mind and agenda until it's complete. I'm always saying, "When I'm done with _________, then I'll write again."  But then I turn the page of my calendar and there is another event or task I'm responsible for.  And again I say, "When I finish that task, I will stop to write and reflect." My high responsibility is a strength, but often times for me it is a heavy burden. 

This past Christmas my sister-in-law, Jana, asked us to bring one of our favorite things for our family gift exchange.  I loved the idea until I tried to come up with a few of my favorite things (then I'd start singing the song over and over assuming that would trigger an idea). I couldn't think of anything.  I walked around Gordmans for an hour looking for something I might claim as a "favorite".  Am I completely boring? Do I not enjoy things in life? Why is this so hard?  I did settle on my Aquaphor chapstick, but my high responsibility was yelling out, "LAME!" 

My favorite blogger, Emily Freeman, asked her listeners on her podcast,

"What is the state of your soul today?" 

I opened up my new 2019 journal my daughter Austyn gave me for Christmas and wrote, "Uneasy." 

This past year of 2018 was full of so many great things - family time in an RV across the southwest, college visits, parents' 50th anniversary, mission trip to Panama, new Alaska adventures - but even with all these amazing life events, I've missed out.  I did not carve out much time to reflect and capture the meanings, the joys, and the life lessons. The very thing that nurtures my soul. I was highly responsible with my time, no doubt. Check that off my to-do list and add another task.  But while I was preparing and completing responsibilities, I was also neglecting to ponder these things in my heart like Mary, Jesus' mother, did. I lost sight of what I favor and enjoy and therefore, didn't make time for it. Ultimately, the uneasiness I feel comes from not making room for the important things that soothe my soul.

Perhaps the questions recently posed to me may alleviate some uneasiness or reveal new insights for you:

What is the state of my soul today? 

(thank you, Emily Freeman!)

What are a few of my favorite things? 

(thank you, Jana!)

How much time do I spend taking care of my soul?

Urgent things are seldom important and 

important things are seldom urgent.

(spoken by President Eisenhower)

One of my favorite things to do is to write.

It is how God speaks to me, clears my mind, and cares for my soul. So today I'm renewing a need and a joy in my life - the responsibility of writing. I am responsible to myself to make time to ponder important things.

And this weekend at my husband's birthday dinner, I'm going to order my "favorite" dessert at the Fork - WARM BUTTER CAKE!

Here's to Capturing Life's Lessons again...